Friday, March 28, 2014

Doing the Math Part One -- Durarara Shizuo x Izaya

Doing the Math Part One -- DRRR Shizuo x Izaya

Shizuo could see daylight, but it was a long way up. The void between him and the surface was too dark to tell if there were any footholds to help him climb out – if he could move. Izaya stirred then went completely still. Shizuo was glad at that moment that he couldn't move at all. For a while, he needed the ruse of unconsciousness to figure out how much blame he could attach to Izaya for their predicament.

“Ow,” Izaya groaned. “What was that? Not even Shizuo hits that hard. What the...”

Shizuo closed his eyes as he felt Izaya raise up a little.

“Shizuo-chan?” He whispered. “Did you really break my fall?”

“Don't be an ass,” Shizuo thought furiously. “I would have had you land face first in the concrete if I'd been awake!”

“What the hell is this hole?” Izaya wondered aloud. “It's not a ventilation shaft...”

“Who the fuck cares?” Shizuo thought. “All I know is it's too deep to get out of without Celty.”

“We'll need Celty to get out of this and to help us with whoever had us land in here,” Izaya said quietly. “That means that I can't hurt you the way I'd love to, Shizuo-chan. Celty has a big school girl crush on you. I have a feeling in my gut that it would be extremely stupid to get that Dulahan really angry.”

“You have a demonic lizard in your gut, freak,” Shizuo thought. “If you really want to protect me, you should get us out of sight. And why are you still all over me?!”

“As much as I am enjoying having you like this, we need to move away from that opening,” Izaya murmured.

Before Shizuo could wonder what the hell the flea was going on about, Izaya moved off his body to crouch beside him. His head was gently lifted a fraction to rest on the sleeve of Izaya's jacket as that arm moved under him at the shoulders while his pants were firmly grasped at the waist. In one smooth movement, Izaya slid him approximately one meter. Shizuo could no longer feel the heat of the late afternoon sun on his face.

No sooner had his head been placed gently on the ground, cars could be heard screeching to a halt near the opening of the cavern. A warm hand covered his mouth.

“They're coming, Shizuo-chan,” he said softly. “Don't cry out.”

“What. The. Fuck! Am I twelve?” Shizuo thought. “I am going to kill him.”

Running footsteps echoed through the cavern. Angry, urgent voices drifted down to where they hid. The words were not exactly clear, but they could make out that there was a lot of finger pointing over who allowed the pair to get so far out of sight that they could disappear. There was a lot of fear over facing the people that sent them to destroy Shizuo and Izaya. Hopeful reason prevailed that the pair can't be down in that hole. They decided to split up and try to find them some blocks away where another commotion was reported. Dire warnings were given about failure to take down the pair. None of the voices sounded familiar to Shizuo, but they were far away and echoing through the cavern. It was also clear that they might yet have to search that hole. Izaya didn't move until the vehicles peeled away.

“So, somebody new wants to play in our sandbox,” Izays murmured. “And they don't want to share.”

“This isn't 'our' anything, asshole,” Shizuo thought angrily though he was also deeply troubled by all of this. Had that errant vending machine not caused the sink hole, they may have been full of bullet holes. This was disturbing on its own. Shizuo realized that it also meant they had been carefully watched for quite some time without either realizing it. That took a lot of skill. Neither man was easy to tail because they were so often hunting each other.

“We'd spot anyone new in the area watching us,” Izaya murmured absently. “That means that their spies had been in Ikebukuro long enough that they were of little notice. What kind of operation requires that kind of careful planning?”

Shizuo was shaken over how much they were thinking along the same lines. He really didn't like the idea of having anything in common with Izaya. He wondered again about why the annoying man stayed so physically close when it wasn't necessary. Shizuo also wondered how long he would be immobile. Izaya finally moved away. Shizuo could hear him wandering around the cavern for a while. Then, he laughed softly at something. That made Shizuo nervous. Izaya laughing usually meant something bad for him. Next, he heard some light things being dragged back toward him.

“I know that you can't move, Shizuo-chan or you would have never let me touch you,” Izaya said as he came very near. He was near enough to feel the warm of his breath as he talked. “But something tells me that you can hear me. If that's true, I need to make a deal with you. I know you have a strong sense of personal honor. Usually, I find that to be a foolish thing. But we need each other down here and perhaps up there to deal with whoever those fuckers are.”

Shizuo knew that they had to at the very least not fight while they waited for help. It may even come down to them cooperating if the fight followed them down there. He relaxed the tension in his body. There wasn't much movement, but it was enough.

“Good,” Izaya said. Shizuo knew he was smiling. That pissed him off, but at least he didn't lurk about smirking. He seemed to be assembling something to the left of where Shizuo was resting. “You wouldn't believe what fell in that hole with us.”

“Back to not caring,” Shizuo thought.

“The vending machine is still plugged in,” he chuckled. “I had heard they had really long cords now, so owners could find them wherever you throw them. I thought I was being played. It must be some vending machine.”

“Still don't care, but that is funny,” Shizuo thought.

“It may take hours for Celty to figure out where to start looking for us – if she even misses either of us tonight,” Izaya said softly. “If I'm to take care of you until then, You can't be on the damp ground.”

Once again, Izaya moved Shizuo. This time it was onto something dry that was raised off the ground several centimeters. The way it creaked told him that they were wooden pallets probably covered in card board. He was placed across two of them. It was good to be off the cold ground, but he also felt warm. That meant that there were steam pipes nearby. Izaya moved away again. Shizuo could hear the vending machine jingling and thunking. The smell of ramen and rice filled the air near the pallets as Izaya returned. The makeshift tatami dipped near Shizuo's waist.

“I've got plenty of water for when you wake up,” Izaya said between slurps of ramen. “I'm sure the machine will still be working, so you can eat as well. Ramen is decent. I'm sure the onigiri will be as well. And I know you won't be immobile for longer than five or six hours.”

“And you know this how, psycho?”

“The last time you were this still was that time you got grazed by that bank robber,” Izaya said “That time, you lost blood, and were still up and ready to kill in just over 24 hours.”

“Grazed my ass,” Shizuo thought darkly. “Felt like a chunk of my head and arm were blown away. And I was minding my own business. I wasn't planning on taking them down until they shot at me.”

Shizuo felt his sunglasses gently removed then placed in his pocket.

“I didn't get to you in time, Shizuo-chan,” Izaya continued. “I'm always otherwise occupied when you go down. Celty got to you first, and put you in the care of the one person in this city that I'm not going to take on unless I really have to.”

“The busty school girl with glasses?” Shizuo wondered. “Why can't I ever remember her name? And why are you afraid of a schoolgirl?”

Izaya fell silent as he ate the rice. Shizuo relaxed a little more. That man could talk and talk. Shizuo long wondered if the man ever was just silent. Maybe he's afraid of boobs...or afraid of girls. That brought Shizuo up short. He hadn't ever known Izaya to show an intense interest in girls. But that was just part of him being a psychotic freak, right? Suddenly, it wasn't such a great thing for Izyaya to be silent. Then, he had to wonder what the flea was up to being so quiet and so close.

“Anri and Celty were right,” he murmured after a swig of something. “You do have really long eyelashes. They went on about that when they took care of you that time.”

“Yeah, that's her name, Anri,” Shizuo thought. “Wait...were you watching them, freak?”

“Relax, Shizuo-chan,” Izaya laughed. “I could only watch from afar...up a tree. Both of those strange females could sense someone for a good distance. Spooky. And yet they were practically giggling over you. Especially after they were told to bathe you by Shinra. I think Celty was somehow blushing in her helmet.”

That had been embarrassing for all involved. Shizuo had been so startled to realize that he was naked that he almost bolted from the bed. Celty had to hold him in a cocoon long enough to explain and calm him. He had fallen in a filthy puddle in the street before Celty grabbed him. His wounds and his clothes were covered in the everything that drained in from everywhere else. Being warm and dry had felt good. And his clean clothes were within reach in case they were needed. It was a good place to recover. Celty made sure there was lots of food. He was getting hungry.

“I wonder if I'll have to bathe you to hasten your recovery, Shizuo-chan?”

His appetite was gone. The fury was back.

“Don't strain yourself, I can do this for you,” Izaya said. “Idiot! There's no clean water down here!! You unbutton one thing and I'll rip your arms out of their sockets and throw them up onto the street.”

The impersonation was almost accurate. Shizuo wouldn't have laughed even if he could. But at least he knew that Izaya was full of shit. Why did he insist on fucking with him for the sake of fucking with him? It was childish...schoolyard stuff. Again, something was forming that Shizuo's mind shied from.

Izaya yawned.

“I don't know about you, but our little skirmishes usually leave me tired,” Izaya said. “Add bullets and nursing you to the mix, and I'm exhausted.”

What nursing?” Shizuo wondered. That schoolgirl did a lot more for him. “Whatever, if it will keep you quiet.”

Shizuo supposed there was another pallet set up for Izaya. But that didn't explain why he was sitting practically on his hip while he had his supper. Instead, Izaya took a deep breath and then arranged himself on top of Shizo, resting his head just below his chin.

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?!” Shizuo raged inwardly.

“Stop screaming in your brain,” Izaya murmured. His breath was warm against Shizuo's neck. “You're going to burst a blood vessel. There aren't anymore tatami mat materials. I admit that I am really entertained at the moment, but you have to try to sleep. Here.”

Izaya unzipped his jacket. He covered them both from the waist up. He put his hood partially over Shizo's face. It didn't really stink in the cavern, but it smelled much better under that jacket. Shizuo let the notion that he was a parakeet pass. Instead, he took deep, slow breaths.

“That's it. You can kill me later. Sleep now.”

“Okay, Izaya is definitely gay,” Shizuo thought. “No not-gay guy would do this. That explains his fear of...of...Anri. Not really though. I think a gay guy would avoid boobs, but he wouldn't need to be afraid of them.”

Shizuo drifted, thinking about Izaya's behavior. Or actually, he was thinking about how more than one person described his behavior toward Shizuo during the years.

“Like a school boy with a crush,” Shizuo recalled. “Who punches when he wants”

“But to try to kill me or put me in jail because he wants me?” Shizuo wondered incredulously. That made no sense. Shizuo wouldn't be ashamed about anything he was. He's proud to be a homicidal, psychopathic freak. It was a sure thing that he wouldn't give a flying fuck about how anyone felt about his being gay.

An answer began to form in Shizuo's mind, but he couldn't make it out. He was tired from the fight and the fall and screaming at Izaya in his brain. As he slipped into sleep, Shizuo realized that he could move his fingers. It was a sign that he would soon be able to protect himself. Izaya was truly and deeply asleep, the bastard. He could take his rest.

Shizuo's dreams were never particularly peaceful unless he was under powerful anesthesia. It was very normal for him to awaken startled and ready to fight. And this happened even when he knew where he was when he fell asleep. Thus, he was surprised to be fuzzily awake and mid-way through his morning stretch when the pains of yesterday's injuries slammed into him.

“OW!” Shizuo gasped. “Fuck!”

He sat up slowly, blinking to clear his vision and find the freak.

“Do you always wake up that way?” Izaya asked. His voice was some distance away.

Izaya was near the still dangling vending machine. Shizuo gently swung his legs in front of him. He thought about the question with a wry smile.

“If I'm lucky,” Shizuo replied ruefully.

Izaya chuckled at that. “You hungry? There's ramen and onigiri and tea.”

“All of it,” Shizuo said. “I'm starvin'. I've got some money...”

“I know. I have it,” Izaya smiled.

Shizuo didn't bother to check his pockets. There wasn't any point. Instead, he moved so that Izaya could sit without being on top of him. He definitely had had enough of being so close to that man. He was saved from having to talk to him for a while by the food. It was a good vending machine that heated the ramen and the rice just right. There were even chop sticks and seasonings. They slurped through two cups a piece and nommed through as many rice balls while Shizuo thought.

If Izaya wanted him the way some crazy people in Ikebukuro contended, he would make being gay the in thing to be and have people beaten up for liking girls. But the attacks began on Shizuo from the moment they laid eyes on each other in school. They'd never even spoken. A theory formed that finally made sense. It was shocking and infuriating. The only reason Shizuo didn't forget his promise and beat Izaya into a bloody pulp was that he also had a plan. That plan would make Izaya completely crazy. There wouldn't be anything he could do about what Shizuo proposed besides seethe. It took all the control he had not to act on that plan. He could not act just then. They still had to get out of that hole. And they had to find out who wanted them dead.

“You're right about the people watching us,” Shizuo said. “They have to be people who were already long term in Ikebukuro or new but not too new.”

“I think it's someone close to me,” Izaya said. “There are a lot of people in my life that would give intel on my movements for the right price...or for the hell of it.”

Shizuo looked over in surprise.

“I'm not blind to how I'm viewed, Shizuo-chan,” he said with a shrug. “It makes the most sense that it would be me. I'm much more unpredictable in my movements. That little incident between us was time to the second, and I had no plans to go anywhere near this part of town until shortly before I left the office.”

“Why did you come this way?”

Izaya smiled. “Russia Sushi had Asari Ramen again. It was so good that first time, I wanted to see if it was a fluke.”

“I had a coupon for it. Someone shoved it in my hand...wasn't Simon,” Shizuo said.


Russia Sushi only allowed one of them in the restaurant at a time to keep mayhem to a minimum. Since they are one of the few places that could back up a rule like that and Asari Ramen was something that easily ran out if it's good, Shizuo and Izaya naturally locked horns over who would get to eat first. But what would be a typical skirmish between them got crazy fast when the sedans full of gun wielding thugs started spraying them with bullets. Fortunately, the thugs were lousy shots and didn't know Ikebukuro well enough to not get turned around in its labrynths. In the few minutes the battling pair lost them the streets swallowed them up.

“It was the perfect set up,” Izaya concluded.

“They weren't kids,” Shizuo said. “Rural talent.”

“Exactly,” Izaya smiled. “Big fish from small ponds somewhere itching for a toe hold in the big city.”

“They'll be easy to spot, but what do we do to get rid of them?” Shizuo asked.

“I think we should snipe at them from the shadows until we can get them do something really stupid right in front of Kinnosuke and his band of rabid bike cops,” Izaya said. “We'll have to stay hidden in Ikebukuro and really frustrate them. You use your network. I'll use mine.”

Shizuo frowned. “I have a network? Tom isn't a network.”

“You have a huge network, Shizuo-chan,”

“Why do you call me that?” Shizuo asked quietly.

“To push your gloriously dangerous buttons,” Izaya replied easily. “Besides, I know you wouldn't allow me to call you Kohai.”

“You never asked,” Shizuo countered without anger. “You never asked anything. You just attacked.”

Shizuo rose to go to the vending machine. He was still hungry and he needed distance from Izaya to avoid getting angry all over again. The man wouldn't back off. He was right behind him.

“I have the money, remember?” He asked.

Shizuo stepped away from the machine. As Izaya pulled out the money, they heard another vehicle rumbling toward the hole.

“Ah, the Scoobies are here,” Izaya said with a smile.

Shizuo frowned at him. Then, he heard someone calling his name.

“Kyohei!” Shizuo shouted. “We're down here!”

“We?” Erica asked as they all peered down the hole.

“If you're finished staring, can you get Celty?” Shizuo said dryly. “We can't make it out without her.”

“Right,” Kyohei said. “I'll text her now.”

“Don't you boys fight,” Erika said as she settled in to watch them in the hole. Walker pulled her away while muttering something about the edge of the hole being unstable.

“Where will you go?” Shizuo asked. “Is it safe at your office with the leak so close?”

“I have some safe houses that no one knows about,” he said quietly. “I'll contact you on the social nets.”

Shizuo nodded at that. He looked at Izaya intently for a long moment. It was time to spring his plan.

“Of all the things I've thought about you over all these years, I never thought the truth would be that you are gutless,” he said quietly.

“Did you hit your head during that landing?”

“You never allowed me a chance to say anything to you,” Shizuo said. “You were my Sempai. I was new to the school. You had all the cards and still needed to cheat. What else can that be but fear? You still want to destroy me when I have nothing to do with anything in your life or you business. How else can that be explained?”

Izaya stared hard at Shizuo for a long moment. The tension between them rose to near normal levels for an instant. Then, Izaya smiled a wry smile. He put money in the vending machine then pushed some buttons.

“I thought onigiri would be best since we're leaving soon,” he said before tossing a riceball toward Shizuo.

“Now, don't you boys start fighting or anything,” Erika yelled from above.

Shizuo nearly missed the rice ball from being startled by the yelling. He rolled his eyes before opening the package.

“Thanks,” he said, tucking in.

“No worries.”

Celty's bike was roaring up then. In seconds, she was peering down the hole while Kyohei and his posse explained their situation, saving them both a lot of shouting. She nodded her helmet. In an instant, the cavern was filled with the black tendrils that were part of her frightening but fascinating power. Shizuo and Izaya were wrapped in the tendrils that then tightened to hold them firmly without harming them.

“Okay, Celty! Bring us up!” Shizuo said loudly.

Slowly, they were lifted from the ground and pulled toward the opening to the cavern. Mid-way up, Izaya suddenly swung his body toward Shizuo. Before he could react to the sudden move – before the 'what the fuck' could be formed, Izaya came close and kissed Shizuo's open mouth. Since his hands were free, he was able to hold the kiss by grasping Shizuo by the hair at the back of the head firmly but gently. The kiss was shocking to Shizuo, but it was also gentle. Izaya was thoroughly exploring his mouth with his warm tongue, but it was clear somehow that he was willing to end the kiss at any second. And that second came when Shizuo realized that they had cleared the entrance of the cabin and Erika was shrieking with glee. He turned his head sharply, ending the kiss. Immediately, Shizuo started shouting.

“Have you lost your fucking mind? What the fuck made you think I wanted you to KISS me?!”

“The way you were talking down there indicated that my alleged interest would be reciprocated,” Izaya replied with his usual, easy calm.

“I said that it would be okay if you were gay. I never said that I was gay!” Shizuo raged, unaware that he was safely on the ground.

“You implied it by not specifically saying that in that missed opportunity all those years ago, you weren't interested,” Izaya said.

“The not-gay guy doesn't have to come out and say he isn't gay!” Shizuo yelled. “I am going to KILL YOU!”

“And that's my cue to leave,” Izaya said. “I don't want our deal to fall apart minutes after rescue.”

He bounded back several yards, putting a safe distance between them. The reality of their ongoing situation slammed back into Shizuo's mind, squelching his anger.

“WAIT!” Shizuo said. “Izaya! It's not safe for you to move alone on foot.”

“He's right,” Kyohei said. “There are all sorts of eyes on the street looking for you both to surface.”

“Kyohei, can you guys take him to where he needs to go,” Shizuo said quietly. “Then, I need your help figuring out how to deal with these fuckers.”

“Sure thing,” Kyohei said. “Climb in the back, Izaya.”

Izaya was surprised at Shizuo. He was also very pleased though for once he didn't say anything about it.

“Thanks,” Izaya said. “And thank you, Shizuo. I'll be in touch.”

Shizuo nodded. He no longer trusted himself not to scream at the crazy man. As the van screeched off, Shizuo turned to Celty. He was pretty sure that the Dulahan had been screaming silently in her helmet since they came out of that hole kissing.

“You do know that I did not want that man to kiss me, right?” Shizuo said. “He's found a new way to make me insane since we have a truce.”

Celty nodded vigorously. He could tell that she was relieved.

“I mean, I've never actually talked to Izaya before,” Shizuo reasoned. “Something was bound to go wrong.”

Celty tapped into her phone furiously.

“Yes! That must be it. Makes perfect sense.”

“Are you okay to ride? I need to get out of sight. I'm still hurting from the fall, and I need to sleep,” he said. “Can we go to where you took me before?”

She tapped a note on her phone. “Absolutely. Do you need medical treatment?”

“No, just some food and a hot bath,” he replied.

“Right,” she wrote. “I'll drop you off and then come back with food.”

She conjured a helmet for him. She also made a whole leather jumpsuit appear on his body. She typed on her phone again.

“You'll need to cover up. Everyone knows that outfit,” she wrote. “You also look a little cold.”

“Thanks. I guess I am cold.”

Shizuo put on his sunglasses, feeling much more like himself. Then, he climbed on the back of the bike. Between Izaya's network and his own, they would soon be pounding in the faces of those responsible for making him spend time with that psychopath. The kiss was something Shizuo would have never figured on when he came up with his plan, but he wasn't discouraged. There had to be a happy medium between beating Izaya in the head with a traffic sign and allowing him to tonsil dive. Shizuo was certain that after a hot bath, some food and a good night's sleep, he could come up with something. He just hoped Izaya would give him the space he needed to sort things out. Something made Shizuo very wary of tangling with this new Izaya.

Read Doing the Math Part Two Here:

Read DL Warner's Original Fic:

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